My Bard, Jangles the Clown, annoyed a local duke so much that he got challenged to a duel. The magnanimous nobleman let me choose the weapon, so of course I went for music. I treated him to the following highly anachronistic rap.
The name’s Jangles
The fool with the bells and bangles
Here to musically maim and mangle
The duke of dupes; the square rectangle
My smile is versatile
Call me the bard with the guile
My wiles are wild and my big grin
Is going to win me this whole dumb thing.
I’ve got motley, front lead
In heat, burning sheet
After sheet with sick beats
Blowing down the streets
Like wind rocking the reeds
So go get your front seats
As this professional fool
Sends this drooling duke back to school.
I don’t need no lyre
Cuz my voice don’t tire
When I spit righteous fire
At a sanctimonious liar
Watch as I treat the elites
With the traps that taste like sweets
Dupe the dukes and trick the rich
As a cleric turns a lich
With witch after witch wishing
They could snitch their sis and ditch
Their weird and wicked Wicca pitch
Just so this clown can scratch their itch.
As a fool
I’m old school
With my crew the jesters of justice
But today’s it’s just us
But don’t fuss, I never cuss
I’m wholesome like a school bus
Just passing through to dupe a duke
With rhymes flimsy as a fluke
Kings that I’ve cheated
Have seemed less conceited
And I’ve seen courts that crowned clowns;
Where they dress sows and cows in gowns
While the people in town starve and drown
Like the lepers in your sewer
Who are begging for a rescuer
They moan, wince and whine
While your duke dines with fine wines
And the one that could help them, the dame
Disappeared; who’s to blame?
Why her husband, envious of her fame
Claims she’s too sick to go outside
And has locked her away to hide.
Dukey, listen, that ain’t right
Listen to your people’s plight
Let your wife cure this town’s blight
Before its wounds are fully mortified.
So come on then dukey, let’s hear your sound
Cuz the town you cast down
Is done clowning around.